100 Funny Halloween Jokes

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Here are 100 funny Halloween jokes and the best Halloween puns to crack you up. These jokes about Halloween are great jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of Halloween dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about Halloween, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this Halloween humor with others.

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Halloween puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about Halloween that are also awesome Halloween jokes for adults and kids to be told!

How do girl vampires flirt? They bat their eyes.

How did the two bat lovers first meet? On a blind date.

Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.

What do you get when Dracula bites a pig?  A hampire.

Why do the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.

What do kid ghosts tell around the campfire? Scary human stories.

How can you tell if a ghost is scared? He’s white as a sheet.

What time is it when the clock strikes 13? Time to get a new clock.

What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurry?  Spooktacles.

Why do female ghosts go on a diet?  So they can keep their ghoulish figure.

Why did the ghost go to the sales? He was a bargain haunter.

Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.

How does a Ghost say good-bye? I can’t wait to seance you again.

What sound do you hear if you explode a Ghost? kaBOOm.

Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.

What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarine.

What types of TVs are in haunted houses? Wide scream TVs.

How does a scarecrow drink his juice? With a straw!

What did one ghost say to the other ghost? Do you believe in people?

What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.

Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story? Because there are so many plots there.

Where do toddler ghosts stay when their parents are at work? Day scare.

What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween? Wait for it… it will dawn on you.

What happens when pumpkins drink alcohol? They get smashed.

What did the vampire say to his hangry friend? Don’t B-negative. Look for more positive.

Where does Dracula keep his money? At the blood bank.

Why did the vampire read the newspaper? Because it had great circulation.

How do ghosts wash their hair? With sham-boo.

Why did the skeleton run away? Because a dog was after his bones.

What do witches put on to go trick-or-treating? Mas-scare-a.

What game do monsters play? Hide and shriek.

What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Look at the board and I will go through it again.

What animal is best at baseball? A bat.

What’s big, furry and has eight wheels?  A monster on roller skates.

Why did the skeleton quit? His heart wasn’t in it.

What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO.

Where do ghosts like to trick or treat? At dead ends.

Who gives Dracula the most candy on Halloween? His fang-club.

What is a ghoul’s favorite candy flavor? Lemon and slime.

Why don’t vampires eat a lot of Halloween candy? They’re afraid of tooth decay.

What type of Halloween books do pumpkins write? Pulp fiction.

How many skeletons do you have in your closet? None, but that’s just because the body hasn’t decomposed yet.

What is a zombie’s favorite appetizer? Finger food.

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.

What makes trick-or-treating with twin witches so challenging? You never know which witch is which.

Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.

Where do werewolves store all of their Halloween candy? In a werehouse.

What do owls say when they go trick or treating? Happy Owl-ween.

Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation? The Dead Sea.

What do you call an undead cricket referee? A vumpire.

Why wasn’t there any food left at the Halloween party? Everyone was goblin.

Where do ghosts learn to become pilots? At fright school.

What’s a ghost’s favorite street? A dead end.

What’s the scariest type of cutlery? A spooooon.

How does Dracula stay fit? He plays batminton.

What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.

Why do ghosts go to the bar? For the boos.

What do witches ask for at hotels? Broom service.

Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.

Is Casper a boy or a girl? Casper is a Ghoul.

How do vampires start their letters?  Tomb it may concern.

Why didn’t the zombie go to school? He felt rotten.

Which fruit is a vampire’s favorite?  Neck-tarine.

How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern? You use a pumpkin patch.

What do Italian ghosts have for dinner? Spook-hetti.

Why did the skeleton run away? Because a dog was after his bones.

Why didn’t anyone want to go trick or treating with Dracula? Because he is a pain in the neck.

Why don’t skeletons like Halloween candy? They don’t have the stomach for it.

What kind of car does Frankenstein drive on Halloween night? A monster truck.

What do birds give to trick or treaters? Tweets.

Halloween one liners

Here are some great Halloween joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about Halloween.

Ghosts love elevators because it lifts their spirits.

The Halloween candy is spook-tacular.

Ghosts go shopping at a boo-tique.

If the broom fits, fly it.

Too cute to spook.

It’s going to be a crazy Halloween – I can feel it in my bones.

Spelling is a favorite subject in school for every witch.

Eat, drink, & be scary.

You are just my blood type.

The skeleton literally didn’t mind that everyone called him a bonehead.

Ghosts are great as cheerleaders since they have high spirits.

Are you a ghost? Because you’ve been haunting my dreams.

For Halloween we dressed up as almonds and everyone could tell we were nuts.

The ghostess with the mostest.

“If you’ve got it, haunt it”.

What’s a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this?

Getting kissed by a vampire is a pain in the neck.

Vampires hate peaches, but they love neck-tarines.

No body won the skeleton race.

Grab your broomstick so we can make a clean getaway.

Best Halloween jokes

These next funny Halloween puns are some of our favorite jokes about Halloween!

Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don’t forget to save room for I scream.

Why don’t werewolves ever know the time? Because they’re not whenwolves.

Are any Halloween monsters good at math? No, unless you Count Dracula.

Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.

What does a ghost call his mom and dad?  His transparents.

Why do skeleton’s make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.

What is a vampires favorite holiday? Fangs-giving.

Why did the vampire brush her teeth? She had bat breath.

What did the skeleton bring to the potluck? Spare ribs.

Why wouldn’t the skeleton go in the haunted house? He had no guts.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about Halloween, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny holiday jokes or food puns then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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