85 Jokes About Chess

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Here are 85 funny chess jokes and the best chess puns to crack you up. These jokes about chess are great chess jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of chess dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about chess, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this chess humor with others.

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Chess puns

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about chess that are also awesome chess jokes for adults and kids to be told!

Why was the chess board so wet? The queen has reigned for years.

How come chess players have many kids? They mate often.

Why did the board game fall off the breakfast bar? Counter-attack.

What song did Bob Seger write about the game of chess? How the knight moves.

What’s a chess player’s favorite kind of crisps? Pawn flavored.

Why did it take so long for the chess master to finish his dinner? The table had a checkered tablecloth and it took forever to pass him the salt shaker.

What do you call two chess enthusiasts bragging in a lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

What’s a chess player’s favorite rock band? Queen.

What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess? Check matey.

Why is chess banned in Islam? Cause the queen moves freely.

What looks like half a pawn? The other half.

Why did the chess master throw up on the boat? He got c6.

What is the favorite chess move of ants with bladder problems? En pissant.

What did the judge do to the guilty chess player? He threw the rook at him.

Why did the chess player give up playing the game? They were really board.

Why can’t you move the castle diagonally in chess? It’s a rocky error.

Where can you learn to play chess? Knight school.

What do chess players like to eat? Chess-nuts.

How did the king lose his home? One of the horses took his castle.

Which knight always gave up at chess? Sir Render.

When is the best time to play chess? Knight time.

Why do chess players always have a lamp nearby? Because they prefer to play at knight.

Why wouldn’t the cowboy play chess? He was afraid he might lose his horse.

Why was the chess piece so lonely? It was an isolated pawn.

Why is a chess player good at dancing? He has some good moves.

What did the chess grandmaster do when the big tournament was stressing him out? He took the knight off.

Why did the chess player get tense in a restaurant? Because the waiter said, “Check.”

What did the English chav say when he won a game of chess? Check m8.

What’s a chess player’s favorite country? Czech Republic.

How come Americans never play chess? Because they are missing two towers.

Why do chess pieces look so uninterested? They’re part of a bored game.

Where did the chess player sleep? In a king size bed.

What is the most costly move in chess? The check.

Why can chess Bishops only move diagonally? Because north, south, east and west are Cardinal directions.

Why couldn’t the chess player move his rook? He couldn’t get over the moat.

How did the chess player make money during the match? From a Discovered Check he found on the board.

What do hungry chess players eat during a long game? Chess-nuts.

What is Michael Bay’s favorite move in chess? C4.

What do you call a girl who’s very good at human chess and checkers? Ingrid.

Why should you ever have lunch with a chess player? It takes them ages to pass the salt.

What is a bishop’s favorite Harry Potter location? Diagon Alley.

What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread? “Stalemate.

Why did the chess player win the disco competition? They had all the right moves.

What is the favorite move of a chess player suffering from OCD? double-check.

Why did the chess player bring pencils and a sketch pad to the game? In case there was a draw.

What do you play 4D chess on? A chesseract.

Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.

Why do chess players sleep? In a king size bed.

What did the chess player say to the waitress? Check, please.

Why does the Queen have more mobility in chess than the king? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

Why did the chess player’s sandwich taste odd, mate? Because it was stale, mate.

What’s the easiest way to move your castle? Re-moat control.

Chess one liners

Here are some great chess joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about chess.

Patient: Doctor whenever I cough it sounds like this ‘pawn, bishop, queen. Doctor: Sounds like you have a chess infection.

When the King started telling a bedtime story to all the chess pieces, he said, “Once a pawn a time…”

You can never enjoy a game of Chess against an Australian. Everytime he checks, you’ll think he’s won the game.

I love listening to knight music when I play chess.

My exotic bird challenged me to a game of chess I told him, “Toucan play at that game.

I played my friend in a game of chess. She did not think that she could win but she wanted to check anyway.

The major part of the brain that is used to play chess is the pons.

When Spongebob Squarepants plays chess, he only uses live prawns.

This was actually a movie that was made about playing cheese. It’s called the Dark Knight Rises.

A game that is a combination of chess, ‘Battleships,’ and ‘Connect Four’ is called rook, line, and sinker.

When Australian chess players finish their meals in the restaurant, they say, “Cheque, mate.”

My last chess game went a bit medieval. We both went for the castle.

When my friend asked if all the pieces were there in the chess set I had sold him, I told him to check, mate.

I don’t know where I put my queen after the last chess game. Maybe she’s lost I need to check.

Someone asked me how I was going to pay for my fancy new chess board. I replied, “With a check, mate”.

When traveling with the horse in chess you always need to take the L train.

Life is like a game of chess. I can’t play chess.

I think I lost my king after the last chess game. I will need to check.

I got my daughter a chess board for her birthday. She is gifted.

Best chess jokes

These next funny chess puns are some of our best jokes and puns about chess!

Why did the pirates raid the chess tournament? They were looking for a treasure chess.

Why is the white bishop piece in chess the fastest? Because it’s on F1.

How come cows do not play a game of chess? They cannot make any mooooves.

Why did the chess player look disinterested? He was playing a bored game.

Which chess piece is the most powerful? The Knight, It goes over the top.

Where do chess grandmasters keep their pet snakes? In a chesst.

What’s a chess player’s favorite starter? Pawn cocktail.

Why did the chess player bring a baseball bat to his game? Just in case he needed a Squeeze play.

Final thoughts

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about chess, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny sport jokes then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

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