Alright, fellow cat lovers, welcome to the punderful world of cats! I’ve compiled the ultimate list of cat puns to make you laugh (or at least smile and shake your head). These are great for printing on a birthday card, adding to Christmas crackers, or printing on t-shirts! And if you think you have a better one, drop it in the comments!
Whether you’re a cat lover or just here for the laughs, these funny puns might tickle your whiskers!
Do you want to hear a bad cat joke? Just kitten.
What do you call a cat on ice? One cool cat.
What do you call a cat wearing shoes? A puss in boots.
What did you call the cat next door 800,000 years ago? A neighbor-toothed tiger.
Why was the poor man shaking a cat? To see if there was any money in the kitty.
Why don’t cats like online shopping? They prefer a cat-alogue.
What did the cat on the smart phone say? Can you hear meow?
Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The re-tail store.
Why are cats so good at video games? Because they have nine lives.
How do you mail a cat? Use fur-class mail.
What animals are the best pets? Cats, because they are purr-fect.
What’s another name for a cat’s house? A scratch pad.
Why did the cat wear a fancy dress? She was feline fine.
What did the alien say to the cat? Take me to your litter.
What was the Cat In the Hat doing on the toilet? Thing one and thing two.
How do cats stop crimes? They call claw enforcement.
What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse.
Why was the cat so agitated? He was in a bad mewd.
What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
What should you tell people when you’re looking for Captain Marvel’s cat? That you’re on a wild Goose chase.
More witty cat puns
I’ve got tons of hilarious cat puns, it’s hard to narrow them down. Take a paws and have a read of these!
What did the cat say when it was confused? I’m purr-plexed.
What do cats use to make coffee? A purr-colator.
What is a cat’s favorite season? Pawtumn.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisker.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
What do you get when you cross a big cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Why do kittens not have many friends? They have a lot of cat-titude.
What is a cat’s favorite day of the week? Cat-urday.
How do you know a cat is agitated? He’s having a hissy fit.
Why can’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
In what kind of weather is a vet the busiest? When it’s raining cats and dogs.
Why was the alley cat afraid of the tree? Because of its bark.
What sports do cats play? Hairball.
Why was the cat sitting on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.
What’s a cat’s favorite button on the TV remote? Paws.
Did you hear about the cat who drank five bowls of water? She set a new lap record.
What did the cat have for breakfast? Mice crispies.
What did the cat say to the fish? I’ve got a bone to pick with you.
What did the mouse say when the cat grabbed his tail? That’s the end of me.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? A purrpatrator.
What do black cats drink in the afternoon? Kit-tea.
What do cats love to do in the morning? Read the mewspaper.
How did the cat type his name on the comouter? He typed A Tab B
How can you tell when someone really loves cats? When they put cats be-fur anyone else.
What do you call a cat that eats lemons? A sour puss.
Admittedly, some of these are fur-midably cheesy, but they still give me a good laugh.
Why do cats always get their way? They are very purr-suasive.
What do cats like to eat on a hot day? Have a mice-cream cone.
What do you call a photo taken by a cat? A paw-trait.
What did the cat say when he was fed up? I’m not in the right meow-d!
What song does a cat like best? Three blind mice.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi cabs.
What game did the cat like to play with the mouse? Catch.
What do you call it when a witch’s black cat falls off a broomstick? A catastrophe.
What do black cats wear on Halloween night? Paw-jamas.
What self-help book should a cat read? How to be a Good Mousekeeper.
What do you call a floating cat? a bobcat.
What should you say to your cat when you leave the house? Have a mice day.
What’s kind of sports car does a cat drive? A furrari
Why did the cat get pulled over by the police? Because it littered.
What should you ask someone to do when they are rude to cats? You ask them to a-paw-logize.
What do you call a flying cat? I’m-paws-sible.
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.
What state has a lot of cats and dogs? Petsylvania.
What do you call a cat that lives at the beach? Sandy claws.
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
What do you get if you cross a cat and a squid? An octopuss.
What did the cat say when she got stuck in the hole? Help meow-t.
What’s a cat’s favorite discount? Buy one get one furry.
What do you call a cat who likes to eat beans? Puss ‘n’ Toots.
How do cat owners know their cat has a good influence on their life? Their cats motivate them to remain paw-sitive in every situation.
Cat one liners
Some funny one-liners about our funny balls of fluff!
My cat won a dog show, would you believe it! The other contestants yelled ‘Cat-has-trophy!’
Took my cat to work today, and when I went to the scanner, everyone else was there with their cats as well. Such a bunch of copycats.
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat but I would be lion.
I saw a big cat wearing a flamboyant hat and cape the other day. I think it was a dandy lion.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn’t want to be involved in a catfight.
My friend keeps trying to get me to get a cat even though I’m a dog person. Talk about peer purr-essure.
To avoid rodent problem, I always ensure the traps have fresh cheese, and my cat’s claws are sharpened. That’s just good mousekeeping.
Forgot my cat’s birthday today. He’s such a sour puss about it.
Wishing you a meowy Christmas.
Yesterday I was charged a million dollars for sending my cat into space. It was a cat astro fee.
I hope you loved these purrfect cat puns! Whether you wanna use ’em to wish your best fur-end a happy purr-thday, make someone smile, or just read them for yourself! As always, I love it when you leave a comment if you have a fave joke, or one to add.
Want meow puns? Check out these other great lists of funny jokes: